Funny thing, memory.
Your most profound experience, one that you were convinced will always be as vivid when recalled, somehow isn't.
This moment, and all its life-changing significance, begins to erode. Before you know it, this definitive moment is clubbed in with the comparatively ho-hum moments of 'back then', or more likely, 'in the beginning'. Because it did change your life.
But memory can sometimes be merciful. It allows a flash occasionally, an out of the blue jolt (see comments) not just of the event, but of your feelings when it happened. It's true, the 'what' of the event you never forget. But the sense of its enormity is lost; unless you write about it.
****
Sitting at the balcony of my parents' house. Home.
the dark foliage of the gulmohar tree near the gate and and the gently rumbling traffic beyond were soothing in the afternoon sun. The chocolate brown recliner angled just so, a juicy novel ready to dive into and a tall glass of juice to occasionally sip. mmmmmm. sometimes life can be so... just right.
Just slightly run down, the feeling was like towards the end of a bout of 'flu, but with way more cosseting by the world at large. This is the life, I thought. Being pregnant is no big deal at all. the bump made a comfy shelf to balance the book...
When suddenly it moved.
The shelf.
My belly. My midriff. My torso.
Of its own accord.
An unidentifiable potrusion poked around, making an extra lump on the already swollen tummy.
And moved right across to the other side.
And I'm still on the chair, traffic, drink and book all forgotten, shocked out of my wits.
I'd felt mild kicking till then, and watched the bump grow, but this... this...
Remember Sigourney Weaver in Alien? When the creature tears out of her chest one arm at a time?
Yeah, "It's aliiiiiive!"
Then suddenly, it stopped.
My stomach went back to the calm stillness of before. like nothing had ever happened.
Leaving me with the realisation that I would never be alone again.
That it isn't about me anymore.
That nothing in my life would really go back to the way it was.
All facts that are obvious truths about my life today, but only vaguely conjectured till then.
And reinforced at the sonogram taken the next day - little n playing
air guitar, having his own little party for one.